-
Reflections on Testaments (2013)
The bolts are falling out of place
That keep reality seated where it has been
For years, months, days, decades,
Hearing the buzz of a fan misaligned
Feeling the rattle of connections loosening
Of determination and concentration failing
I think tune ups are in order
I see the distance some people have gone
Running on nothing but dreams and fear
Not knowing the back roads and side alleys
They’ve had to cut through to make good time
But I see the wear of their treads
They’re not gripping life as fully anymore
And it’s ok that we break down some time
More complicated to repair than any machine
But also a little easier because the human heart
Can talk back if one can listen
How it wails in duet with the unsettled mind
But listening means bearing witness
And bearing witness means confronting calamity
However I have seen the world end enough times
Upheaved by faith or money or justice or greed or hatred
That another calamity is bearable, if for a good cause
And there is no better cause than healing another person
So remember the listen and bear witness
Before judging and dismissing
Because that could be the difference between saving a life
And suffocating it for years to come -
Plans Are an Afterthought (2013)
Slipping sliding tumbling
I break through the surface of this
Film that I’m trying to make sense of as
The words and thoughts and feelings keep
Running and running and running
I take a few breaths of O without the H or 2
And feel full again, a little light, a little high
Remembering that my feet never belonged on the floor
Or at the foundation of some structure
Might as well cut off my feet because I don’t need them to fly
Just land and fall and stumble
But I’m over that
That’s not me anymore
They still reach me in my sleep
The slick subtle thoughts of failure despair remorse longing
But I know that the real power is in belief
When I trust those decaying visions I rot away
If I expect less of my heart, it will wither and recoil
But as I demand less and re-cognize more
I’m free
The trick to flying isn’t luck it’s practice
Patient expectation in doing while breathing and feeling
My heart go one-two-three
Letting me know more than pain ever could that
I’m alive -
Won’t Make the Same Mistakes Again (2012)
when the rain starts falling and you start slipping
down down down
‘cause you got nowhere to go except with it
starting to see bits and pieces of what you call yourself
dissolve break away
drifting away from you into it
you realize re-remember where you starts and the peripherals end
you can taste the metal of a pendant
the sweat on the leather band
hear the cpu of a phone
feel the texture of a card
you see how easy they are to wash away
and you see whats left inside the natural you
the things you neglect and try to compensate for with possessions
you find yourself less open as you remember
maybe because you cant tweet your random feelings out
you find yourself a little ungrateful at the miracles of your life
real miracles like friends, love, shelter, food
random $5 bills as gifts that come right as you loose $5
cause God is a mean accountant
you also find the holes you haven’t patched
like running your tongue over your teeth and feeling the cavities forming
and the vomit
and you wonder how year after year you can make the same mistakes
grow laterally not progressively
and be ok with it be content to live on this path
maybe its the lack of notes that keeps us regressing
maybe the lack of foresight
some of you never expected to live past 18
always thought the world would stay at your fingertips
always thought you would have options
until its not and you don’t
and gravity inverts, making all the lakes and rivers drain into the sky
into the wide blue arms of the void
and you go up up up
nowhere else to go
you say to yourself “I will move forward. I won’t make the same mistakes again”
and mean it -
I Have Thought of Something to Say (2011)
she whispered in my ear long after the sirens left
long after the shouts quieted and ways became clear
she whispered ‘the Wall is coming down’
bricks of profit held by a mortar of sorrow
our world runs on suffering that locks us in ethereal cages
but these prisoners are rioting done with their rations
rations of knowledge self sufficiency hope respect trust
done trusting the hand that rapes them
so they gather with pickaxes and dynamite
the masons and their helpers try to stop the change
try to keep the wall that keeps out many things
the list containing the following
poverty - having to share arbitrary funds to spread resources
perversity - having laws and rules that aid every one
disease - having knowledge that clearly shows how wrong it all is
disfranchisement - can no longer accumulate the rights of many into one wallet
anarchy - living in a world where everyone rules equally
chaos - living in world where nature rules equally with man
hearsay - worshiping something Real not power not fame not the flesh
polyamory - loving everyone expressions will vary not just select few
she whispers and these old eyes started to tremor
these eyes that have tracked the course of things
have seen the wall rise and persist with modification
have seen the corpses of rebels solidify the foundation
these eyes fear that the Wall shall fall without progress
no forward thinking or motion no innovation
revolution without reconstruction and i pray
but these eyes just record history and keep score
and watch as the Wall across the world starts to tremor -
I Try To Rise Clean Like The Sun (2011)
Every morning I wake up forgetting,
What I so direly prayed about last night,
What has wracked my soul to the bone,
Despair joy desire repulsion,
I spend the rest of the daylight
And the moonlight looking for it,
I don’t want this,
I don’t want the fear and the wonder,
The sublime is lost at my feet,
Like an aborted dream on a bathroom floor,
I do not want this responsibility,
Feeling the weight of fate upon my hand,
As I drive the vehicle of my life forward,
Feeling out of control of my own mind,
Lost in the sway between rationale and emotion,
I don’t want this,
View of a place I can’t go,
This parting of the curtain to show my eyes Paradise,
While my fingers are still burning and sticky,
Smoke still in my lungs and thoughts,
I do not want this sorrow,
This feeling of longing and repulsion,
Knowing what will never be right and what will,
A sort of half hearted righteousness
Always half in and half out of my own heart,
I don’t want this,
Poisonous wonders in ingest daily,
Word substance feeling sound,
I poison my eyes with the shadows upon my screen,
And like an addict I can’t stop,
I do not want this fear,
Letting each fire die for fear of burning,
Sacrificing my past for my future never seeing,
The scars I lace upon my present as it bleeds for me,
As I leak my secret source to survive,
I don’t want this,
Knowing of how my desires mean nothing,
So I spend my seconds recklessly in hopes of finding peace,
A momentary release that can vent some of this pressure,
Feeling like the sun is cooking my with its glance,
I do not want this world,
That can only recycle and never renew,
Cannot breathe life for it’s winds have been locked away,
Bottled and placed deep in the pockets of some not others,
Mother nature once hand many children before we all became orphans,
I don’t want this,
And so I turn my tears up,
Launch them into the sky with unflickering eyes,
Waiting for the moisture to come back upon my face,
And then perhaps a sign of hope to be traced back up,
I don’t want these thoughts,
So I lay my head down into a thing,
Music bed person book game poem dirt,
Seeking to throw this confusion into my trash bin,
Am I rising and falling all at once,
I dream to interrupt the cycle,
Create a safe space to to hope and feel and believe,
To find the meanings I’ve burned down in the confusion,
Attempting I cast out some of the illusions I adopted,
And as fingers lace around the final handle concealing my damage,
I am ripped from the dream
I am ripped from fully healing,
And I try to rise clean like the sun,
